I have really been feeling "spiritually detached" lately. So yesterday morning I got on my knees & had a heart to heart talk with God. I was surprised by what he "told" me. I have known it all along but I didn't want to admit it. I think we all have something about ourselves that we try to hide or ignore so we won't have to deal with it because we either think it's too ugly to reveal or we're just so comfortable with it we don't know how to act without it.
For those of you who know me really well & know about my childhood, you know that I didn't have an easy one. I am what one calls a "survivor." I have never used that as an excuse for my behavior, however, I can see how it has "bent" me into the very independent, self sufficient person that I think I am. So God was "talking" to me yesterday about my "self sufficiency". He knows that deep down I know that it's just illusion because I know that without Him I am nothing...and I have nothing. But for some reason I still keep living the illusion that I am self sufficient. He told me it's a pride issue. Yuck! I despise that word being associated with me! But I know He's right. Not that I want to be self sufficient so I can say, "Look at me...I am "Miss Independent" & I don't need anyone...but more because I don't like needing help or having to ask for it. It's not something I'm good at or comfortable with.
So as I was "chewing" on all of this yesterday I got a phone call from a friend. She must have had heard my conversation with God because she "called me on the carpet" about the same thing. I told her that I realize I need help in getting some things in preparing to bring our children home but I didn't want to ask anyone for help. So after I listened to her I agreed that I would post on my blog a list of things we could use to help us with that. She suggested that I actually register at places like you would for a baby shower. Although I am really uncomfortable with this idea I am going to do it. I will post the list on my blog after I compile it.
Whew!!! It was really hard to type this post...so glad it's finished!!!
8 comments:
Kathy, I totally understand how you feel. It is so hard asking for help or admitting that you need help. And yet it is so easy to offer help to someone else.
I have been so encouraged by your latest posts. Thanks for sharing!
The registry idea is a a great idea!!! You are going to need lots of new things. This is going to be fun. Can't wait to see your list!!!
Oh, and I totally understand the pride and self-sufficiency issues. I struggle with those a lot. I hate asking for help. I'm glad you listened because people love to help...they just don't know how. The registry is a great way to do that. Have fun shopping!!!
Yeah, can't wait to see what you want or need!! It is fun to help others, and it helps to know they need or even want help. Let's see how many times I can put help in this comment, anyone want to help?
Kathy, I too had a not so good childhood, and I want you to know that I struggle with the same thing. I think at times it even affects my relationship with Tim. I can't tell you how many times he has said, you don't have to do this by your self, or if he tries to help, I get angry, because I "can Do it". Anyhow, I love Love love the idea of the shower!!!!
Thanks all! You are wonderful!!!
Oh Kathy, I was just reading a book called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. It teaches how we need to totally surrender to God. I was reading in the first chaper today and it was talking about pride. It teaches on how we need to repent and ask the Lord to show us if we have pride that we don't even know we struggle with. Then, I read your blog today...it's about pride. Isn't if funny how the Lord reveals things to us. I think the Lord is trying to tell me somthing too!!. And Kathy, your friends want to help you so much. We love your children too and want to be a part of helping bring them home. I can't wait to see your list.
All i can say is...Ditto!
Hugs
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