Getting back to normal...

whatever "normal" is. Ever feel like you've been under water way too long & when you finally come up for a breath of air...after all of the coughing, sputtering, & carrying on...it's like the most wonderful experience you have ever had? Well, that's where I am right now in my life. I still can't put a lot of things into words yet but for the first time in a long time, I have a renewed hope in my heart & a spring in my step...minus the limping from the gimp foot :o)

We have our good days & bad days but overall the kids are doing really well. I think Phoebe is already ready for summer & I have to remind her she still has a ways to go & needs to keep focused on school. Her first grade music program was last Thursday & she did very well. She's been busy the past week delivering Girl Scout Cookies. She is getting ready to test for another belt level in TKD in a couple of weeks. Although she really enjoys Upward cheerleading, I think she is ready to be able to sleep in on Saturdays. She has two more Saturdays of getting up at the same time she does for school during the week.

Samara keeps the rest of us grounded :o) She enjoys preschool but is looking forward to going to kindergarten in the fall. She is also excited about starting TKD in May. We wanted to make sure that Phoebe & her had a couple of belt levels between them to help decrease the "sibling competition" that they have going on between the two of them. Samara for the most part is very thoughtful & you can hear her almost daily praying for Haiti. She is patiently waiting to hear about the status of her birthmother & younger sister.

Overall Shakira is doing well. We have all learned that we can't get caught up in her day to day moods or it will drive us crazy :o) She is attempting to communicate more so we are teaching her more signs because a lot of her words come out sounding like "gee gee" & most people can't understand what she's saying. Right now she is doing very good with her potty training...mostly only needing a pull up at night & staying dry during the day. Praise God! :o)

Caleb...is two...that should explain everything! :o) In between his little "fits" he really is a cuddly, loveable little boy. He is wanting to "help" us around the house. He really enjoys going to Kid's Day Out twice a week. He wears "big boy underwear" during the day & a diaper at night. Randy continues to do well at his job. Most days I wonder how well I'm doing at mine :o) We are looking forward to spring break & one or two summer trips. We thank God for his endless love, patience, grace, & mercy as he continues to grow us into the people he has created us to be.

Everything & Nothing to say...

Some of you may think that my silence on my blog is due to my new found interest in Facebook but that is not true. Since the earthquake in Haiti on Jan. 12th I've had at least a gazillion thoughts running through my head. Sometimes my head would hurt from it. Sometimes I have felt like my heart was going to break into pieces. Sometimes I have felt like I was going throw up.

So I have been dealing with all of that plus the "drama" that has been going on in my family. I don't want to detail it here but it has been difficult. Then just when I thought I was coming up for air...I find out that a lady that I was just getting to know was in a terrible accident & is paralyzed. This shook me to the core for many reasons but I guess the main reason was pure selfishness as I keep thinking to myself, "That could have been me." Her & I have so much in common. We are both stay at home moms with 4 children. We're about the same age & we're both married to wonderful men named Randy.

So while I wrestle with all of my thoughts & feelings, I am not able to find the words to express them right now. I find comfort in God's Word & am letting His Word do the talking.

"O God, you are my God: I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you
in this parched & weary land where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary & gazed upon your power & glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night.
Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely."
Psalm 63:1-8

Praying for a Country to be Healed...

"You Said" sung by Rita Springer has been one of my favorite songs for a long time. This song has been going round & round in my head as I have been fervently praying for Haiti since the Earthquake. At first I couldn't find a video that sounded good, nor pictures that came close to anything that spoke about Haiti in any shape or form until I came across this one. It was made in Spring 2007...right before my first trip to Haiti in July 2007. We need to keep praying for a "healed Haiti."

What a Mighty God We Serve!!!

A week ago today Haiti was shaken by the 7.0 earthquake. In a moment's time...everything there changed. Thousands dead, thousands injured, thousands homeless, the tradegy went on & on...and unfortunately continues to go on. The adoptive parents in the process of bringing their children home were in a tail spin. Many thoughts raced through their minds. Is my child(ren) alive? After it was found out they were alive then it turned to are they safe? Do they have enough food & water? What happened to the paperwork? How long is it going to take now to bring them home?

Some of these parents have been waiting over 3 years to bring their children home. The thought of countless more delays...especially in this crisis...could get the best of anyone. But God had a plan...a big plan! A plan that none of us even thought of. He took what was meant for bad & turned it into good for the children & adoptive parents of Three Angel's.

Last night the 26 children landed on US soil. Some of them were reunited with their parents shortly thereafter while others will be reunited with them today. Our area eagerly awaits the arrival of 7 of the 26 children. We can not wait!!! We will finally have our "circle of 19 3A's children" complete! Praise God from who all blessings flow!

Haiti...

We want to thank all of you for your prayers & support this week since the catastrophic earthquake happened in Haiti on Tuesday. It means more than you will ever know. We are thankful beyond words that our Haitian children are home with us. However, we have very heavy hearts as we have many friends in Haiti as well as adoptive children that are waiting to come to our area & we are still waiting to hear about some people we know & have not been heard from or seen since the quake.

I'm sure many of you have seen the very graphic images of what's going on in Haiti right now. We can not stress that even those images don't fully capture the severity of tragedy or need. It's beyond most people's comprehension. Please continue to pray for the people of Haiti & those of us who are so intricately intertwined with them. Please pray that our friends & all people nationwide that are in the process of adopting from Haiti will be allowed to bring their children home ASAP.

Some of you have asked how you can help monetarily. We know that the Red Cross is offering all kinds of innovative ways to donate. We think that's great but we also want to give you some other options. These are Haiti organizations that we have personal ties to. There are as follows:
Three Angels Children's Relief www.threeangelshaiti.org This is the orphanage that our 3 Haitian children came from. There is currently 7 children from this orphanage waiting to come to our area.
BOSKO www.boskohaiti.org This is an organization that was started by some very dear friends of mine who live near us & have adopted two children from Three Angels.
Heartline Ministries www.heartlineministries.org This ministry has been serving Haiti for quite some time & currently has a wonderful couple named the Livesays who live in Haiti & direct the ministry efforts.
Thank you!

The Battle Within...

Grab a comfy chair & something to drink &/or eat because I have a feeling this is going to be a long one as I pour out my heart in regards to something I have been really struggling with lately.

For those of you who have or are currently going through the adoption process & have a child(ren) at home you know all too well the struggle that exists between having your heart in two different places, not fully being able to enjoy the moment due to having that nagging ache in your heart.

Although the situation I now face is different, the struggle is quite similar. When God called Randy & I to adopt Shakira, we knew it would not be a piece of cake. We knew that adopting a special needs child would be different & more challenging than adopting a child without special needs. It was not our choice to adopt her. It was God's will & we chose to obey him. I wish I could say that in by obeying God he would have waved his hand & having Shakira in our family is a piece of cake...but that's not the case.

We love her dearly but the day to day challenges that she brings can be very frustrating & tiresome. We also know that we are blessed with how well she has progressed since she has come home & that it could be a lot worse...and that indeed, there are a lot of families out there that are experiencing "a lot worse." But that still doesn't change the day to day life here with her.

We moved her into her own room a week ago because she is very loud in the morning & kept waking up Phoebe & Samara. She can also be very destructive & tears up a lot of toys or whatever maybe lying around. It didn't seem fair to Phoebe & Samara that their things were getting destroyed because of Shakira "choosing"...and yes, she does have a choice...she has the cognitive ability to make good & bad choices. So now Phoebe & Samara can leave things out in their room the way they want them without fear of Shakira tearing them up.

We took her glasses away from her & put them up for now because a couple weeks before Christmas she got mad that she was in time out so she took her glasses off & snapped them in two. We got the frames replaced & not even 12 hours after she got them back, she was trying to tear the arm off of one side. This was after over 6 months of wearing them without incident.

Her potty training is going much better. She remains dry most of the time during the day & only wears a pull up at night. That is a huge victory! We should be really happy about that...which we are...but we're also tired of telling her every step: "pull down your pants, go, stand up & wipe with TP, put the TP in the toliet, flush the toliet, pull up your pants, wash your hands." This may seem very trivial to some, but if you had to do this several times a day, every day, & not just with the bathroom but with everything...getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating, playing, etc., it gets very tiresome.

So last week I was really struggling with all of this. I was tired...no, exhausted. And in addition to that, we found out last week that there is a very high possibilty that Shakira is 2-4 years older than the paper work says she is. Although that doesn't surprise me because I've been "sensing" that for awhile, it hit me like a brick because that means she's even more delayed than we thought she was. This week we will be getting a bone growth x ray on her to help determine how old she really is. Although we will keep her age at what the paperwork says, it's important that we know her "real" age for health & development reasons.

I want to thank everyone who prayed for me last week because it really helped! I could feel them working. I was given a new perspective as my attitude changed & my spirits lifted. I was reading Matthew 16 & came to verse 25, "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." I know that's a familiar verse but this time it had new meaning to me. I was trying to hang onto the life that I wanted. The one that I had envisioned. Forgetting that it's not about me...but God & His will for my life...not my will.

The footnote in my Life Application Study Bible says this about the verse: "If we protect ourselves from the pain God calls us to suffer, we begin to die spiritually & emotionally. Our lives turn inward, & we lose our intended purpose. When we give our life in service to Christ, however, we discover the real purpose of living."

Yes, it is His will that Shakira is a part of our family...reasons that are still not clear to us...but it doesn't matter what the reasons are. We are called to serve Him no matter what. So as we go through the day to day "what", we are striving to serve Him faithfully & joyfully.

Drummer Boy...

New Year's Eve...

MO Christmas...

Christmas pictures...

New Year Resolution...

Turning Point Devotion by Dr. David Jeremiah

"A New Resolution"

Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the measure of my days, that I may know how frail I am. Psalm 39:4

Recommended Reading: Proverbs 2:1-6

According to the USA.gov ("Government Made Easy") website, the dozen most popular New Year's Resolutions are: lose weight, manage debt, save more, change jobs, get in shape, go back to school, drink less, stop smoking, reduce stress in general, reduce stress at work, travel, and volunteer. Any of those look familiar? Since they're the "most popular," they probably do.

Here's a different approach for 2010: Instead of focusing on what's wrong with yourself or your circumstances, resolve this year to focus on God. Instead of making resolutions, resolve to do one main thing: Make your life the subject of gentle conversation between you and God on a daily basis. That doesn't mean in the sense of, "God, I want . . . I need . . . I wish." Rather, "God, I want to reflect Your glory in my life more in 2010 than in 2009. I want to live today in light of the end of my life. Speak to me and empower me to be conformed, gently but surely, more into the image of Christ this year."

That's a prayer God will answer by replacing the weakness of our resolve with the strength of His; a resolution that will not fail.

"If our lives and ministry are to count for anything today we must solemnly resolve to make time for God." Vance Havner

Happy New Year! Praying for God's love & peace to reveal itself to you in a new & refreshing way this year.

A lot of "food"...

I was reading Psalm 37 this morning & wanted to share some things from it. It's a long psalm so I am not going to type it all out now but I would encourage you to read the entire psalm sometime. It has a lot in it.

"Do not worry about the wicked or envy those who do wrong.
For like grass, they soon fade away.
Like spring flowers, they soon wither.
Trust in the Lord & do good.
Then you will live safely in the land & prosper.
Take delight in the Lord, & he will give you your heart's desires.
Commit everything you do to the Lord.
Trust him & he will help you.
He will make your innocence radiate like the dawn,
& the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun.
Be still in the presence of the Lord,
& wait patiently for him to act.
Do not worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.
Stop being angry! Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper-it only leads to harm.
For the wicked will be destroyed,
but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land."
Psalm 37:1-9

"It is better to be godly & have little than to be evil & rich."
verse 16

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand." verses 23-24

"Turn from evil & do good, & you will live in the land forever.
For the Lord loves justice, & he will never abandon the godly." verses 27-28

"The godly offer good counsel; they teach right from wrong.
They have made God's law their own, so they will never slip from his path." verses 30-31

"Put your hope in the Lord.
Travel steadily along his path.
He will honor you by giving you the land.
You will see the wicked destroyed." verse 34

"The Lord rescues the godly;
he is their fortress in times of trouble.
The Lord helps them, rescuing them from the wicked.
He saves them, & they find shelter in him." verses 39-40

How much longer???

I pray that everyone had a very blessed & joy filled Christmas. I will be posting a Christmas in review post soon but I just had to share this first. I think this devotion from Dr. David Jeremiah will speak to a lot of you. I know it spoke to me as I wait for the miracle in Shakira to be manifested & as I reflect on the waiting for children to come home that has come full circle.

How Long?
And coming in that instant [Anna] gave thanks to the Lord, and spoke of Him to all those who looked for redemption in Jerusalem.
Luke 2:38

Recommended Reading
Psalm 52:8-9

After several hours of packing, the family is finally on the road. After driving for no more than ten minutes, the littlest voice from the back seat asks the inevitable: "Are we almost there?"

That's what the games, snacks, and music are for, right? Long trips aren't easy for little people, so they have to learn patience. And Christians have a long trip to complete as well: the trip to our heavenly home. Sometimes the road seems long and bumpy, but we need to stay focused on the destination. That's what characterized the life of the prophetess, Anna, who had spent eighty-four years of her life in the temple praying and worshipping. The day she saw the baby Jesus she knew the trip of a lifetime was complete. Her focus on the promises of God was consummated by the appearance of the promised One.

If you are wondering "How long?" before God brings you through--be faithful and focused on the One who came and will come again.

Children's Christmas Program...

The Children's Christmas program at our church was Sunday evening. Phoebe was so excited because this year she got to play the part of Mary. Shakira was an angel & Samara & Caleb were lambs. I was afraid that Shakira would just stand there the whole time holding her neck because that's what she tends to do & what she had been doing during all the practices. I should have never prayed for her not to do that during the program! Because what she did instead was to take someone's oversized green purse, throw it on her shoulder, go skipping down the aisle & up to the altar, she then started clapping, hip shaking, & swinging the purse around. I have a hard time imagining the angel that appeared on Christmas doing that! And of course that distracted everyone else & Joseph & Mary had to work very hard to stop giggling. Other than that...it went very well.

One Life...

Stocking joy!

Randy & I hung up the stockings over the weekend. When Shakira, Samara, & Caleb saw them for the first time they thought they were very pretty but didn't "get" what they were for. The next day there was something in each of the stockings. I told them, "Jesus was here", & with that Phoebe took off running to the stockings while the other 3 just sat there. I said, "You may want to go with her," so they did & when they saw her pulling something out of her stocking, they immediately went to theirs & looked inside of it. They were so excited! These pictures are of them playing with their stocking gifts.

Waiting patiently...

I think is one of the hardest things to do, no matter what the situation is. I will say that out of all of the waiting I've done so far...and there is one thing I'm still waiting for & it's been 21 years...that waiting for my children to come home from Haiti was the hardest. I know that there are many of you out there in that situation right now. You've been waiting a long time, you're tired of waiting, tired of missing smiles, kisses, hugs, & milestones. Tired of hearing "tomorrow" & tomorrow turns into days, weeks, months, & even years.

I also know that the waiting gets more difficult at Christmas. It just does. Another Christmas without your little one(s) next to you. It's almost too much bare some days. I want to encourage all of you who are in this place right now to, "not give up", hang on tightly to the one who is holding you...and your precious ones in His hands.

Psalm 27:14 says, "Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave & courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."

My footnote from The Life Application Study Bible says this, "Waiting for God is not easy. Often it seems that he isn't answering our prayers or doesn't understand the urgency of our situation. That kind of thinking implies that God is not in control or is not fair. But God is worth waiting for. Lamentations 3:24-26 calls us to hope in & wait for the Lord because often God uses times of waiting to refresh, renew, & teach us. Make good use of your waiting times by discovering what God may be trying to teach you in them."

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, & he turned to me & heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud & the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground & steadied me as I walked along.
He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done & be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3

Random Pictures...

Christmas Tree...

We put our Christmas tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. I think the "Haitian Trio" was mesmerized by the experience. Samara really enjoyed helping put ornaments on the tree.

Trials, Attitude, & a Shepherd...

As I was reading my Bible this morning & praying, I felt impressed to share some things. The first thing is about trials. Everyone goes through them at some point in our lives. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes our prayers help us to avoid them & sometimes they do not. It's the attitude we have when we go through them that is important. Things tend to turn out badly if we are filled with anger & bitterness, or complain & blame God. But if we go through our trials with thankfulness & praise to God, he will bring good out of them. The Bible says, "to count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience" James 1:2-3. Let God lead you through whatever trial you may be going through today.

"You have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, & glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:6-7

"Cast your burden on the Lord, & He shall sustain you. He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22

"As for me, I will call upon God, & the Lord shall save me. Evening & morning & at noon I will pray, & cry aloud, & He shall hear my voice. He has redeemed my soul in peace from the battle that was against me." Psalm 55:16-18

"You, who have shown me great & severe troubles, shall revive me again, & bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness, & comfort me on every side." Psalm 71:20-21

The second thing comes from Psalm 23. I have read this psalm many, many times so far in my life...it's my favorite...but I never really thought about this before when I read it. Verse 2& 3 say this: "He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name." NLT

The footnote from my Life Application Study Bible, NLT, says this:
"When we allow God, our shepherd, to guide us, we have contentment. When we choose to sin & go our own way, however, we cannot blame God for the environment we create for ourselves. Our shepherd knows the "green meadows" & "peaceful streams" that will restore us. We will reach these places only by following him obediently. Rebelling against the shepherd's leading is actually rebelling against our own best interests. We must remember this the next time we are tempted to go our own way rather than the shepherd's way."

We can say that we are following God but if we are not living out the characteristics of God which are love, truth, humility, peace, & wisdom, we're just "trash talking" to cover up our real motives & selfishness. Let God, the "Good Shepherd" lead you today.