Better late than never...

I know that the movie "Fireproof" came out last fall but Randy & I just watched it for the first time last night at our Christ Care meeting. Randy & I stayed up until 1am talking about it & I am still wide awake. I plan to get the DVD & I have a feeling I will be watching it a lot.

This movie has shaken me to the core...not because we are on the verge of a divorce, although we have come painfully close to the edge a couple of times during our almost 20 years of marriage, but because it spoke to, & deeply touched many facets of my life. The first one being that I am a poor, miserable sinner, & that I have "spat" in God's face many times but He continues to love me even though I do not deserve it. The second, being convicted of how many times I have "spat" in the faces of people I love when they did not deserve it. Some of them showed me mercy & grace, forgave me, & stayed by my side while others turned away & ran. I am truly sorry for all the "face spitting" that I have ever done.

The third thing that spoke to me was that just as God loves us even when we are unlovable, we are called by God to love others when they are unlovable. Not an easy thing to do, but required just the same. Although I do not think that means we are to be a "door mat" for others, I do think that we are called to "go the extra mile" in regarding showing kindness & love to others...even "sand paper people" the ones that "rub us" the wrong way but God has placed in our lives for a time to refine us. I admit that I do very poorly in this area & am asking for God's help & strength.

The fourth one is that although I know that marriage is a covenant between my husband & God, one that is not to be broken or taken lightly, that I need to remember what was said in the movie, "You never leave your partner, especially in a fire." Although I know that, for years I have had to fight the urge I get to "run away" when things get tough in my marriage. I do not like the feeling and I am more mindful of it. I did not grow up in a house with a mother & father in a strong, long lasting marriage. I grew up with divorce. My father has been married 4 times...divorced 3 times, & one wife died. My mother has been married 3 times & divorced 3 times. I thank God for getting to see my Grandmother & Grandfather in a strong marriage for so many years. Parents are role models to their children...what kind of picture of marriage are we painting for our children?

The fifth thing that really "hit" me was the comment in the movie where Caleb told his wife that "for the past 7 years I have trampled on you with my words & my actions." I really was convicted of that. There have been many times that I have carelessly "trampled" on my husband with my words & actions...and for that I am deeply sorry & ask forgiveness from both God & my husband. I pray that God will replace my "carelessness & cruelty" with love & kindness.

And lastly, I am thinking about the waiting. Am I doing everything that I should be during the "waiting times"...when the wait is long & hard...when I am waiting for His direction...when there seems to be no answer or relief in sight? Is my waiting God pleasing? Am I doing it with purpose & a peace?




If you have not seen "Fireproof" yet, I encourage you to do so as soon as you can!