Youngest to Oldest...

Indy...

We're heading out to Indianapolis this morning for our finger print appt. Please pray for travel safety & "sanity" as we have to bring Phoebe with us, as well as smooth finger print processing.

45 Days!!!

I forgot to mention that we only have 45 days left until we meet our girls!!! We so can't wait!!! Are we there yet??? How bout now??? What about now??? Ok...I'll stop!

DEAD AGAIN...

Two months ago I titled a post called "Dead" & told of how Phoebe's fish she named Samara died. Well, tonight I have to tell you that her other fish Shakira died. I really hope she doesn't name any more "pets" Samara &/or Shakira. I think we're going to put the fish tank up for a while.

This is the day...

the Lord has made! Let us rejoice & be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

Prayer of Thanksgiving!

I want to lift up a prayer of thanksgiving for all of your prayers & God's healing touch. Phoebe didn't not have a fever all night & her temp is still normal now. She is also acting like her "active self" although we're still going to take it easy today.

Prayers for Phoebe...

Phoebe starting running a temp on Wed. & it has continued on & off since then with it getting as high as 105.6 today. We went to the doctor this morning & as I suspected the doctor is pretty sure she has an UTI (urinary tract infection). We will know for sure Sunday afternoon but in the mean time she is on Keflex. She is not herself. She's not eating much & is sleeping a lot during the day & going to bed at night without a fuss. Please pray for healing for her. Thanks so much!

1000 Words...

They say a picture says 1000 words. I wonder what this picture is saying???

Our Adoption Story...

About a week ago a friend asked me about Phoebe's adoption story & I told her that I would post it here. We brought Phoebe home in 2003 but our adoption story actually began 10 years earlier in 1993. We were living in MO at the time & had moved into a duplex across the street from a nice older couple who were raising their 5 yr. old granddaughter they adopted because her mother (their daughter) was strung out on drugs & the father was who knows where. She was the cutest little thing & she immediately became attached to my hip. As time went on she spent more & more time with us. We took her places, she knew our family, she spent the night with us. In my heart she was my daughter. I had told her grandparents who were in their 60's that if something ever happened to them that we would take care of their granddaughter. In 1995 we started making plans to move to WNC. During this time the grandparents made the decision to have their granddaugther readopted by another couple because they were starting to have more health problems. I thought for sure they wanted us to adopt her. We were all like family. I was devastated when they told me that they were going through an organization through their church. I rationalized that they either wanted her to be raised in the same denomination as them or that they wanted her closer to them than NC. She ended up going to a couple that lived 3 hours from where we lived in NC. I had a very hard time with it at first & was not convinced that this was "God's plan." Several years later as she grew into a teenager the grandmother told me the real reason why she didn't want us adopting her. The grandmother said, "I knew in my heart of hearts that she was going to grow up having a lot of problems & cause a lot of distress for her family & we loved you & Randy like our own children & did not want to put you through that." Ironically, she did have a lot of problems such as anorexia/bulimia & cutting her self. She did cause her family a lot of problems. I don't question God any more about his decision where she went even though I still don't totally understand it. All I know is that if we would have adopted her we would have loved her no matter what. I can say that with confidence because I still love her & always will.

In 2001 after been married for 12 years & never getting pregnant, we decided to pursue adoption. We talked to several people who had adopted, did a lot of research on it, & then felt led to pursue a domestic adoption with a local branch of a nationwide adoption agency. We started the paper work in March 2001 & our file was totally completed & available for "calls" in Oct. 2001. During this time the adoption agency saw our preferences for children & asked us if we would consider being placed in the Bi-racial/African American file which means we would only consider adopting Bi-racial or African American babies. There was a need for this & they knew we were open to this. We prayed about it & said yes. It was also during this time that I had a "vision" that there was baby dressed in pink laying on my stomach asleep with a head full of dark, curly hair. We got our first "call" on Dec. 13, 2001 about a baby boy. I was very excited because it had been less than 2 months since our file was completed. I then became very "over whelmed" when I learned that the birth mother was due on Dec. 27th. Most birth mothers who came to the agency didn't wait until 2 weeks before they are due to say they want to give their child up for adoption. This birth mother was the same age as me & knew from the beginning she would give her baby up for adoption but didn't think it was "necessary" to tell anyone about it until she was ready to give birth. So 1,000 thoughts were racing around in my head. Then our case worker said the next thing that I didn't want to hear, "Oh, & she would like to meet you & Randy in person. I know you stated you didn't want to do that but you would consider it if it came up." I asked her why she wanted to meet us if she has already decided that she wanted us to be the adoptive parents? Our case worker said that it's very hard for African Americans to give their babies up for adoption anyway for cutural & family reasons & some of them don't understand why a Caucasian couple would want to adopt their baby. She guessed that this particular birthmother just wanted to meet us to ask us that question & be comfortable with our response. So we told our case worker to arrange the meeting with her but due to circumstances with the birth mother the meeting did not take place until Dec. 24th (Christmas Eve) & 3 days away from the due date. We met Valerie at a restaurant & she was a lovely lady. We felt extremely comfortable with her & her with us. She asked if we had chosen a name yet & we said yes & asked her if she would like to know what it was & she said, "Yes." We told her Jonathan Marshall. She got a little teary eyed & said she liked it a lot. We all hugged & then it was time for her to go. We would be notified as soon as she delivered the baby & then arrangements would be made for us to pick the baby up. We went back home & frantically got some things together for Jonathan & then waited for a call. The 27th came & went & no call but I wasn't concerned about it because most people don't have their babies on the exact due date. We went to work on the 28th (7pm-7am shift) & around 9pm I got a call that sent me into a tail spin. It was the case worker that was working with Valerie. She said, "I don't know how to tell you this so I'm just going to say it...Valerie & Jonathan died Wed. evening the day before her due date. Her mother came home & found Valerie dead on the floor. We don't have the autopsy results yet but they're thinking it was from a pulmonary embolus or something." I put the phone down & some how had to gather myself to make it through the rest of 10 hours I had left at work because the department I was working on at the time only had one nurse on the unit with a tech. There wasn't anyone to take my place. Then I had to deal with telling Randy while he was still at work when he called later to see how things were going. I think that has been the longest night of my life so far. I was totally thrown for a loop. The agency had tried to prepare you for the birth mother changing her mind at the last minute or something happening to the baby but never did they ever present the scenario of both the birth mother & baby dying together. We had just met this person. We gave the baby a name. WHY did this happen? WHY did we have to meet her? I've always been a person who didn't question God much even if I didn't understand the situation at all but this time I did. I grieved...and I grieved hard. We took our profile off at the agency for a year while I "re grouped." The agency gave us no grieving support or counseling. The hardest part of it all was that no one understood how I felt. My mom came the closest to understanding but she was 550 miles away & couldn't be with me during that time. Everyone else didn't understand how I related this as a miscarriage for me. So they either said, "dumb things" or ignored me. During this period of my life I just clung to Jesus. I hung on tight because it was all I could do at the time. I had no energy to pray or praise so I just held on tightly & quietly (when I wasn't sobbing uncontrolably.)

In Jan. 2003 we decided to put on our profile back on at the agency. In March we got an "inquiry call" which means that a birth mother is looking at your profile but they have a question like "Can I name the child?" I think that was the question of this birth mother who was carrying a boy. We didn't hear anything about that baby again. Then we got another "inquiry call" in April regarding a birth mother who was also having a boy. I felt in my heart of hearts that this too would not work out because we were going to have a girl. I think that birthmother decided to keep the baby. We didn't hear anything else from our case worker until July when she said we would need to have our homestudy updated in August if we didn't get a call before then. So in August we had our homestudy updated & she didn't say anything about anything "in the works." Three weeks later we go to MO on vacation see our family. Normally when we go out of town we would call the agency & let them know but I forgot this time. We also turn off our answering maching when we go out of town. We had only been in MO for a day or two when on Monday morning my mom comes rushing into my room & is face to face with me screaming at me as I'm still sleeping, "You have to call the agency now!" When I woke up enough to talk I told her to calm down & tell me what's going on. She said that Randy who was playing golf with his brother had called & said that the agency had called his cell phone but he didn't answer it in time & they left a message & asked us to call them as soon as we could so Randy called my mom's house & asked her to tell me that when I woke up to tell her to call the agency. Notice "when I woke up" not "go & wake her up now." I told mom it was probably just an "inquiry call" & it was no big deal. My mom got in my face again & said, "Call now!" So for the sake of her sanity I got out of bed & headed to the kitchen to call the agency. Our case worker answered & asked where we were & I told her in MO. She then asked if that was far away...I'm thinking "Didn't you take US geography in school" but what I said was, "It's a 9 & 1/2 hr drive, why?" and she said, "Because we have a beautiful baby girl waiting here for you." I said,"You have a what???" Then she went on to give the details. She said that the birth mother didn't want to pick a profile & asked the agency to do it. They prayed about it & chose us. She knew about it when she updated our homestudy but after what we went through the first time she didn't want to take any chances. She also said that since the birth mother didn't have a special request for the baby to be released to the adoptive parents straight from the hospital so they had placed the baby in the agency's foster mom's care after the baby was released to wait out the 7 day waiting period that NC has for birth mothers to change their mind. So the 7 days were up & she was ours! Then the case worker said if we wanted to we could just finish out our vacation & get the baby when we came home. In my mind I'm like ,"Are you kidding me?" but instead I said, "We'll be there tomorrow" & we were. On Sept. 16th we brought Phoebe Starr home. It was the most amazing day of our lives so far.

No...not done yet!!! Eleven months later we get a call from the adoption agency & our case worker said that Phoebe's birth mother was pregnant again & would we like to adopt this baby as well. Once again I'm thinking, "Are you kidding me?" I told her we would like to but we weren't planning on this & didn't have the money for it. She said she would keep in touch & we would see how things progressed. We knew if it was God's will for us to adopt this child that the money would come. We felt led to put our house on the market in Oct. 2004 instead of the spring of 2005 like we had originally thought we would & move back to the Midwest. We thought that maybe we would make enough from the sale of our house to have a down payment for our next house plus enough for adoption expenses. We put our house on the market on a Monday, had our first "lookers" on that Wed. & accepted an offer on that Friday & closed exactly a month later. We had enough for a down payment for our next house but not for adoption expenses. We moved to IN & just kept praying about it. The agency offered no help at all & ended up adopting out the baby boy to another couple. As frustrated as I was at the agency for not helping us at all in that situation I knew it was God's will for us not to adopt that child. I have no idea why but I don't need to know why. At that point we didn't know if we would ever adopt again...and we all know the answer to that :o) PRAISE GOD TO WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!!!

New Do!

Most of you that have known me for a long time know that I generally wear my hair short. I don't like "fixing" hair nor wasting time on "fixing" hair. It's been a while since it's been this short but I decided it was time. I call this my "I have 3 children ages 4 & under hair do."

Time for a picture!

I was having picture withdrawals again. If I go too long without posting a picture I go into "picture withdrawals." I really like this picture of Shakira & Gail although on here you can't see much definition of Shakira's face or eyes.

For the Glory of God

This is from our Tony Evans devotion book "Keeping Your Promises to Your Family"

The Christian life is not a life of ease. It is composed of many acts of the will whereby we obey God for the glory of God.
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
1 Corninthians 10:31

Tagged by Michelle..

Okay, so I was tagged by Michelle & I 'm suppose to post 7 little known facts about myself. They aren't anything earth shaking but you may not know them:
1. I've always wanted to be a rock star...now I would choose to be a "Christian recording artist." :o)
2. I like to roller skate & really want a pair of those tennis shoes with the wheels in them.
3. Most people know that my favorite color is purple but don't know that my favorite flowers are yellow roses.
4. I like the smell of the ocean.
5. I like the feel of grass on under my bare feet.
6. I like laying in a hammock for extended periods of time.
7. I won a banana eating contest in college. (No comments please!)

I tag Don, Fiona, Jamie V., Terri, Joye, Elaine, & Larry. (I know you all don't have blogs so you can post them here)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU-YOU!!!

This is the beloved Three Angels Orphanage House Manager & today is her birthday. Hope you have a wonderfully blessed day You-You!

60 More Days!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good & not for evil, to give you a future & a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

My Mom...

is the best mom in the world!!! At least, to me anyway:o) I love her so much & am very grateful that the Lord blessed me with her! She has always been there for me & continues to be a great source of guidance & support. Happy Mother's Day Mom!

PARTY TIME!

It's time to celebrate! I know you're wondering what for so I'll tell you now...our dossier is complete & I mailed it off today...yeah, baby!!! I wish I would have brought my camera with me to Post Net so they could have taken a picture of the cheezy grin that was on my face as we were packaging it up! It's time for the HBWD!

"Gideon"

Gideon has always been one of my favorite stories in the Bible but now that I watch the Veggie Tale version on a regular basis with Phoebe it has taken on even a deeper meaning than before.
For the past few weeks I've been struggling with the possibilty of adopting another child. This came about due to something totally unrelated to Three Angels or Haiti. So last Thursday a week ago I poured out my heart to some friends & told them that if it was meant to be that it would happen & if it wasn't meant to be I wanted God to take the desire out of my heart. Soon after that the desire for this particular child was taken away but it was soon replaced with a desire for another child...one from Three Angels. I spoke with Gail the parent liason about the possibilty of adopting a third child. She said it is "irregular" & that the Board of Directors would have to approve it. She & I decided to pray about it. I knew Randy was not open to the idea but I felt "something" & needed to know if it was God's will or not. So I pulled a "Gideon" & threw out a "fleece." I told God that I would be accepting whatever the answer was. So tonight was "fleece" night. If it was God's will Randy would agree & we would agree on what child God had chosen for us. He said, "I prayed about it all week & do not feel God is leading us to adopt another child at this time." I said, "That's fine. I told you I would accept whatever the decision was."
So now I'm just "processing" all of this in my head & heart & letting God fill me with His peace as I trust in Him.

MOTHER'S DAY TEA...

Here are some pictures from the Mother's Day Tea that was held at Phoebe's pre school yesterday. It was really nice.

Making some progress...

Following up with yesterday's post I wanted to let you know that the thing I've been praying about for almost a year now has been Randy's job. He has a good job & he likes it but for about a year now he has been asked to do additional responsiblities in addition to his patient care load. That was fine in the beginning but then the responsiblities kept growing to the point where he was feeling stretched between not having enough time to do them all, & do them all well. I knew something was going to have to give eventually. Well to make a long story short he has an interview Monday in another dept. for a position that his current boss has recommended him for. So we are praying for God's will to be done regarding this.
Thanks for your continued prayers regarding this!

Also...another baby step taken today regarding the adoptions. We FINALLY got our confirmation letter saying that they are processing our I-600a's & we should be getting our finger printing appointments soon. Yeah!!!