Grab a comfy chair & something to drink &/or eat because I have a feeling this is going to be a long one as I pour out my heart in regards to something I have been really struggling with lately.
For those of you who have or are currently going through the adoption process & have a child(ren) at home you know all too well the struggle that exists between having your heart in two different places, not fully being able to enjoy the moment due to having that nagging ache in your heart.
Although the situation I now face is different, the struggle is quite similar. When God called Randy & I to adopt Shakira, we knew it would not be a piece of cake. We knew that adopting a special needs child would be different & more challenging than adopting a child without special needs. It was not our choice to adopt her. It was God's will & we chose to obey him. I wish I could say that in by obeying God he would have waved his hand & having Shakira in our family is a piece of cake...but that's not the case.
We love her dearly but the day to day challenges that she brings can be very frustrating & tiresome. We also know that we are blessed with how well she has progressed since she has come home & that it could be a lot worse...and that indeed, there are a lot of families out there that are experiencing "a lot worse." But that still doesn't change the day to day life here with her.
We moved her into her own room a week ago because she is very loud in the morning & kept waking up Phoebe & Samara. She can also be very destructive & tears up a lot of toys or whatever maybe lying around. It didn't seem fair to Phoebe & Samara that their things were getting destroyed because of Shakira "choosing"...and yes, she does have a choice...she has the cognitive ability to make good & bad choices. So now Phoebe & Samara can leave things out in their room the way they want them without fear of Shakira tearing them up.
We took her glasses away from her & put them up for now because a couple weeks before Christmas she got mad that she was in time out so she took her glasses off & snapped them in two. We got the frames replaced & not even 12 hours after she got them back, she was trying to tear the arm off of one side. This was after over 6 months of wearing them without incident.
Her potty training is going much better. She remains dry most of the time during the day & only wears a pull up at night. That is a huge victory! We should be really happy about that...which we are...but we're also tired of telling her every step: "pull down your pants, go, stand up & wipe with TP, put the TP in the toliet, flush the toliet, pull up your pants, wash your hands." This may seem very trivial to some, but if you had to do this several times a day, every day, & not just with the bathroom but with everything...getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating, playing, etc., it gets very tiresome.
So last week I was really struggling with all of this. I was tired...no, exhausted. And in addition to that, we found out last week that there is a very high possibilty that Shakira is 2-4 years older than the paper work says she is. Although that doesn't surprise me because I've been "sensing" that for awhile, it hit me like a brick because that means she's even more delayed than we thought she was. This week we will be getting a bone growth x ray on her to help determine how old she really is. Although we will keep her age at what the paperwork says, it's important that we know her "real" age for health & development reasons.
I want to thank everyone who prayed for me last week because it really helped! I could feel them working. I was given a new perspective as my attitude changed & my spirits lifted. I was reading Matthew 16 & came to verse 25, "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." I know that's a familiar verse but this time it had new meaning to me. I was trying to hang onto the life that I wanted. The one that I had envisioned. Forgetting that it's not about me...but God & His will for my life...not my will.
The footnote in my Life Application Study Bible says this about the verse: "If we protect ourselves from the pain God calls us to suffer, we begin to die spiritually & emotionally. Our lives turn inward, & we lose our intended purpose. When we give our life in service to Christ, however, we discover the real purpose of living."
Yes, it is His will that Shakira is a part of our family...reasons that are still not clear to us...but it doesn't matter what the reasons are. We are called to serve Him no matter what. So as we go through the day to day "what", we are striving to serve Him faithfully & joyfully.
9 comments:
Thanks for being real. Praying for your whole family.
I love you my friend. I am lifting you up in prayer today!! Love, Brandy
P.S. If you need a day off..give me a call!! =-)
Praying for physical and emotional strength for you.
When I work with special needs kids at school, i have always said that I can not fathom how parents do it 24 and 7.
praying for you my friend!
God loves your obedience Kathy. It isn't easy at all, but there will definitely be an eternal reward. Thanks for being so open and honest. Praying my friend!
Adding you to my prayer list right now. To my own shame, I often forget to pray for those that have their children home, because in ways, it's the 'end' of the journey. Yes, it's the end of a particular journey, but just the BEGINNING of a new one.
I am amazed by the families that are used by God to care for these special needs children. They need love, too! Thanks for sharing your struggle, and may God grant more and more grace upon grace, as you answer His call in your life.
Hi Kathy,
Long time since SPL. I couldn't log in to any Blogger sites until my own blog. I have been thinking of you and can't imagine your taking on 3 kids at the same time.
But to my two cents on things at the moment, even though you're probably already doing it:
giving Shakira something on which to physically vent her frustration without being destructive.
If she can tie balloons, have her blow up balloons and then burst them. Not paper ripping because she wouldn't know the difference between scrap and valuable paper. Bubblewrap is great for popping. I just remembered that you don't have to wait to get it in shipment, you can buy bubblewrap.
Does that help at all? I might catch up at a later time. Last year was awful and I'm still getting back on my feet.
God bless all of you!
Mary Kay (from SPL)
You probably know/knew people in Haiti and hits closer to home. Also if I remember, other couples who adopted from Haiti. Keeping you all in prayer also.
Kathy - I wish I could give you a huge hug and some RESPITE care. You are the perfect parent for Shakira, but that sure doesn't mean it is a perfect situation, does it? I think you are tremendously brave and getting out your feelings, anxiety, and cares is so important. It is so understandable that you are having a hard time! Yet, because you are a faithful mom, you understand your vocation, you go on, you never give up. God is holding you in his loving hands!
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