Chocolate Chip Sweet...

I've had this post in my head for quite some time now...since Sept.20th to be exact...the day after my Grandma's death. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to even sit down to write it for awhile & then the time came that I could do it without it hurting too bad, I was too busy. I'm still busy but I have been convicted by God of not using some of the gifts he gave me so here I am...ready to write.

Everytime I look at a chocolate chip, eat one, or smell them baking in the oven...I think of my Grandma Evelyn. To me, chocolate chips = Grandma :o) If you know me at all, you know that I really "like" chocolate chips & I loved my Grandma dearly.

Some people have Grandma's that are super sweet people & are always kind & loving. My paternal Grandma was like that, but unfortunately she died when I was 9. I call them "sugar cookies." My Grandma Evelyn was definitely not a "sugar cookie" person. She was a "chocolate chip cookie" person. A regular person interspersed with intermittent bursts of sweetness & boldness. She never "sugar coated" anything. What you saw was what you got.

Yes, I am a lot like her. That's one reason why we butted heads a lot...especially as I grew older. But we always either made up or agreed to disagree. Some of my cousins were never blessed with seeing Grandma in "her prime." I am so thankful that I was. In her prime she shined brightly. Hospitality was her "middle name" & grit & determination were her back bone.

My parents divorced when I was 3 & 1/2. My mother & I spent the following 2 & 1/2 years after that living with my Grandparents. I will never forget that time. Although that period was very difficult for my mother for many reasons, it was a very happy time for me. I enjoyed being around my Grandparents & my Uncle Charles. It was like being in a family with 2 mothers, a father, & a big brother. My Grandpa doted on me. My Uncle wrestled with me. And my Grandma constantly hugged me & made me chocolate chip cookies.

Even as I grew older & had moved to a house with my mom, she still made me chocolate chip cookies when I came to visit. Grandma had a strong sense of "mother's intuition" & could always sense when mom & I were in trouble. She would always ask me what was going on because she knew I would tell it to her straight. She helped whenever she could.

I'll never forget the time when Grandma & I went to my mom's house to confront a man who was my mom's husband at the time, about physcially abusing her. I was in the kitchen trying to talk sense into my mom while my 70 year old grandma had backed the man into a corner & was pointing her finger at him & telling him "a thing or two." She had no fear that he could have snapped her into two like a chicken wing. He didn't move until after we left.

As my Grandma grew older & her health declined, her personality changed. It was very hard to see the changes in her. I kept trying to focus on her heart & not her mind. I knew that deep down inside of her, she was still chocolate chip sweet. I will always hold those memories of her in my heart.

Herd or Heed?

This devotion by Dr. David Jeremiah really spoke to me about what I've been recently very frustrated with. Are we going to follow the "herd" of society even though we know the things they do & stand for are wrong? Or we going to "heed" the call of our Lord & take a "stand" on His Word? Swimming upstream may not be easy but it's better than floating downstream & then drowning in a current.

"The Herd"

"But take heed to yourselves, lest your hearts be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness, and cares of this life, and that Day come on you unexpectedly."
Luke 21:34
Recommended Reading
Luke 21:31-38

In his column "Why Economists Missed the Crisis," Barry Ritholz observed that most of the world's financial and political leaders overlooked the warning signs of the current recession. Some saw it coming, and a few on Wall Street sounded the alarm. But, wrote Ritholz, "the vast majority of professional economists, strategists and analysts--the 'Herd'--totally missed it."

It's interesting that Ritholz described them as the Herd. It's easy to be stampeded by our society. Group think takes over; certain opinions form in the popular culture; morality is prescribed by Hollywood ; and our spending habits are influenced by the number of commercials we see.

We can't go with the Herd. The majority of people in this world are missing the warning signs. But as Christians, we march to the beat of a different drummer. We handle our money, our morals, and our ministries as those who know that crises are ahead and that judgment is coming. Jesus told us to stay alert, lest the Day of the Lord come on us unawares. Watch for the signs and take heed.

"There is a choice you have to make in everything you do. So keep in mind that in the end, the choice you make, makes you." John Wooden

Grab bag!

Well, it's been almost 2 months since my last blog entry...not because I haven't had anything to say...but rather that we have been going "at the speed of life"...at full speed for the past couple of months. That's not the speed that my family enjoys but we really didn't have much choice. Things are starting to settle down a bit...and we are very thankful for that!

So this is going to be a "catch up" post. Overall we had a pretty good summer. Much more enjoyable & calmer than last summer, which was right after the 3 came home. Of course the summer was harder for Shakira & me because Shakira really thrives at school & without school she's not really sure what to do with herself which of course leads to some undesirable behavior which leads to a grumpy Mama :o)
We made several short trips over the summer & one longer one for our vacation. All of us are doing better with traveling which I am very thankful for!

Our school year started off much better than last year. Phoebe had a very rough start last year & mostly a "bumpy" road all school year. Shakira really struggled at the beginning & then got into a routine that she liked but then was not motivated to do anymore than was required. Samara's progress in preschool last year seemed very slow to her teacher & Caleb was a real challenge for me most of the year.

The start of this school year as been the exact opposite...Thank you God! Phoebe really likes her teacher & has several friends in her class that are a good "fit" for her. She is more focused on learning & doing her best instead of being funny & a socialite. She continues to be a wonderful "older" sister. Phoebe is active in Sunday School, Brownies, TKD, & Upwards Cheerleading.

Shakira was moved from the severe & profound special needs class to the moderate special needs class & the change has been amazing!
She is talking more, & more clearly. She is also being challenged to do things both in the classroom & on field trips that she wasn't in the other class...and she has homework! Yes, I think that's a good thing!

During the end of the summer we got Shakira's "official" diagnoses which are: moderate mental retardation, mixed expressive & receptive language disorder, & ADHD. It's a relief to finally know what her special needs are & to get help with them! She's also wearing her glasses now. Last year we had to take them away from her because she kept breaking them. We got her lens prescription adjusted & now she leaves them alone. Thank you God!

Although Samara's preschool was not convinced that Samara was ready to start kindergarten this year...I was & so she started. She has totally blossomed since starting! She is more confident & very eager to learn. She even uses pencils with erasers on them now...which is something she couldn't do last year because she would constantly erase everything she wrote. She goes half day & is home before lunch. She is a great "big" helper! Samara started Daisies this year as well as Upwards Cheerleading. She is also active in Sunday School & TKD.

Caleb started preschool this fall. He goes three days a week & "loves" it! We get a long much better now that we have some "breaks" from each other :o) He is growing taller every day & of course still has that amazing smile! He's very proud that he knows his ABC's & 1,2,3's. Caleb definitely is all "boy" & enjoys playing with his cousin Isaiah, affectionately known as "Double Trouble" when they are together :o)

Randy is doing well & is very busy at work...which is a good thing :o) I continue to stay busy at home & "not at home" :o) Two weekends ago I completed a Community Health Evangelism (CHE) course which I thoroughly enjoyed. Randy & I continue to pray as we seek the Lord as to what He has planned for us next.

A few of our summer trips were to P-ville to spend time with my Grandma who went into a nursing home at the beginning of July. Her health kept declining & she went home to be with the Lord (and Grandpa & Suzie) on Sunday September 19th...on my mother's 63rd birthday & a week away from her 88th birthday. This past weekend was the kids fall break & we(me & the kids) went back to P-ville to spend time with my Mom. Yesterday was the one month anniversary of my Grandma's death. I got to love on my mom & we had quite a few laughs at good memories of Grandma & Grandpa. We briefly saw Randy's nephew Luke on his birthday...can't believe he's 11! We also got to spend some time with Randy's parents.

We are looking forward to Thanksgiving & Christmas & all that God has in store for us between now & then!

"When Your World Shakes"

From 8/31 Turning Point by Dr. David Jeremiah

"God is...a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed."
Psalm 46:1-2
Recommended Reading
Isaiah 41:10-13

At first they couldn't believe it. Fifteen days after Haiti 's devastating earthquake, workers found a miracle survivor. Darline Etienne, 16, was pulled from the rubble barely breathing and hardly able to speak. She'd apparently been alone in the house taking a shower when the quake struck. The house collapsed on her, but since she was in the bathroom, she had access to water. That's what saved her life. As she was pulled from the ruins, she weakly asked for her mother. She was immediately given food, medical care, and loving assurance.

Just as an earthquake victim eagerly accepts rescue and the provisions of food and clothing, we should look to the Lord for all we need. The psalmist said, "Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their masters, as the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the LORD our God, until He has mercy on us" (Psalm 123:2).

God provides one blessing after another, and His reserves are never diminished. Trust Him to rescue and provide for you today.

"In the presence of Jesus there is sheer thrilling effervescence in life. A gloom-encompassed Christianity is an impossibility." William Barclay

You may have not ever been in an earthquake before but it's pretty safe to say that most of us have been "shaken" to the core by something in our lives. Usually there are two types of responses to this shakening: run to someone or something or run away from someone or something. Most of the time, running away is not the best solution. So who are you going to run to? Are you going to run to the God of the universe who knows how many hairs are on your head or are you going to run to other people or to the things of this world? I pray that today you will choose to run to God. Run into his arms & feel His presence, peace, comfort, & joy.

From Haiti to Africa...

Ever since I was a young child I had a "sense" that someday I would go to Africa. At the time I had no idea why, how, or when, & was not really too thrilled with the idea. As I became an adult, the thought of it became a hazy blur & almost faded completely. After Randy & I were married for almost 6 years, we heard God's call for us to move from MO to NC. At the time I remember thinking, "Lord, we'll go anywhere you want, but please don't send me to Africa." I also recall the same thought when he called us to move from NC to IN.

A lot has happened in our lives since moving to IN. We went to a country we thought we would never go to, not to mention adopt 3 children from there. Over the past 3 years, the thought of going to Africa has become more clearer in my mind. The picture that use to be very blurry, is now very clear. The fear of going there has left me.

While I was in Haiti three weeks ago, I heard God calling me to Africa. I even mentioned it to my team, & half of the team said they would be interested in going too. I said that I thought I would be going in the next 2 to 3 years. I didn't need a confirmation about going but when I got home I had one in the form of a dream by a friend. This person did not know about the "sense" I've had about this since childhood, nor did they know about what happened on the Haiti trip until after they told me about the dream. This person also said that they thought I would be going within the next year & a half to two years.

So although it's quite evident...as least to me anyway :o)...that I am suppose to go to Africa...and that I will go to Africa, there are still a lot of unknowns such as exactly when, who is going to go with me, if the team will be one that formulates inside our church mission ministry or outside of it, who will lead the team (preferably not me :o), where in Africa we will be going, & what is our plan & purpose once we get there, not to mention the cost factor & how long we will stay.

I would like to ask you for your prayers for guidance, wisdom, & discernment regarding all the details & aspects of this journey. Please pray that me & all involved with this trip will hear God clearly & move as He directs, for without Him we can do nothing.

Thank you for being patient!

I know a lot of you have been patiently waiting for me to tell about my recent Haiti trip...and the time has finally come for me to tell!

This trip to Haiti made trip #5 for me but in many ways it felt like my first trip. Not knowing what to expect post earthquake, going on a BOSKO team instead of a Three Angels team, going to a new work site, & a new guest house, & going there without my children as the focus.

Day 1 was a long travel day that started at 5:30am & ended around 5:30pm. We definetly saw God's hand move has we watched him move us through the maze of delayed flights due to no plane, plane problems, crowded run ways, etc. Our first surprise came when we were taken to a "hotel" instead of the guest house we thought we were staying at. To make a long story short, the guest house we were suppose to stay at was bought before our trip & the new owners did not know about the previous arrangements for us to stay there.

Day 2 we went to the BOSKO site & prepared for the VBS that we were going to do the following three days. That was my first experience of really being in a rural village area of Haiti. We were driving in the middle of no where & then at one point we turned off the road, drove down a long road...and wa la!, there was a village.

It was interesting to see the different reactions to us being there. A few of the village children immediately came up to us & wanted to know who we were & what we were doing. Other children stood off aways & watched us, & many adults gathered around at various distances to watch what we were doing. The general attitude of the villagers of us for the first two days was a mix of distrust & curiousity.

After we had a "plan" for the next day, we went to the Ebenezer site which is now called Global Ministries...Orphan Project. This was the site where we thought we were staying at. It has a guest house, orphanage, church, school, & medical clinic. While the rest of the team looked around & played with the children, our leader spoke with the on site director about why we weren't staying there. After a discussion it was decided that we would move to that site the following day since we would not be able to go to the hotel, get packed up, & get back to the guest house before dark.

On the way to the hotel we were stopped by Haitian police...not something you want to happen because they can stop you for whatever reason they want to & then state a charge that makes no sense...as was the case for us.

Day 3 we packed up, ate breakfast, & then dropped our stuff off at the guest house & then headed to the BOSKO site. Our original plan was to have a VBS for 60 of the village children & feed them lunch. I think we had 72 or so children the first day, & many, many adults in very close proximity. It was very hot the first day & we did not take into account that even Haitians don't stay out in the direct sun for long periods of time in the heat of the day...as evidenced by the majority of the adults taking refuge in the shade of a very big Mango tree which we affectionately named the "Tree of Life."

Despite the heat, having more children than expected, not having as many craft supplies as I was suppose to, & not having enough food to feed everyone, we were pleasantly surprised about how the first day went. We went back to the guest house & revised our plan for the next day.

After dinner & devotion our team leader went to bed early because he wasn't feelig well...he had a cold or something prior to leaving for Haiti. The rest of the team decided to stay in the dining area & play some cards but before we even started a hand, we heard a gun shot coming from the right of us. This was around 8pm & you could hear activity outside of the guest house from the orphange as the children were getting ready for bed as well as sounds from the neighbors close by. All of the team except for Bell our Haitian translator & myself, didn't really seem to notice it at first. Then someone stopped & asked if that was a gunshot. As I was about to answer them, a second gunshot could be heard from the left of us & this one sounded a lot closer than the first. Bell immediately told everyone to be quiet, to put our heads down, & not to move.

I don't know how long we sat there...I think it was about 20 minutes but it felt like hours. During this time there was silence everywhere, no children or nannies talking, no voices of guest house staff, & no neighbor noise. Just as Bell told us it was probably safe to get up & go back to our rooms, we heard some foot steps & then saw two feet walk up the stairs that were to the right of us & led to the balcony above us. A brief exchange took place in Creole between Bell & the man who walked up the steps but the man would not say who he was or come back down so we could see him. After a few more minutes of silence, we decided to go back to the girls room because our leader was sleeping in the guys room.

During this time there was an expression of fear & frustration. I then went to the other room & woke up the leader & told him what had happened. He immediately called the site director. She was in her room on the level below us & said that there are gun shots in the area from time to time but that the gate was locked & no one could get in & that there were 2 security gaurds at night. She said that the man who walked up the stairs was most likely one of the security guards & after he was on the balcony probably kept on walking down a corridor that would take him to the other side of the guest house. Our leader was reassured & tried to reassure us. Two of the men on the team, as well as our leader went to bed. The rest of us stayed up til midnight having "group therapy." It was much needed, & really bonded us as a team.

Day 4 we had Day 2 of VBS. We had fewer children on this day but the kids that were there really wanted to be there & we had a great morning. This day went much better for two reasons, first, we weren't in the direct sun like the day before. We decided to move our location to the "Tree of Life" which provided much needed shade & a breeze. And second, we decided to hand out bags of food for the people to take home & prepare themselves rather than us trying to prepare it for a large group of people.

We returned to the guest house after VBS & got ready to do a mini VBS for the orphange children. This went really well & was a lot of fun. We then prepared for our last day of VBS. We voted to delete the craft that we were planning to do after we realized the materials we had were not going to hold up to the heat. So we decided to use the craft time to make balloon animals instead. As we practiced our animals, our leader had another discussion with the site director. He was not pleased with the fact that we were paying $40 a night more per person than we thought we were going to pay so he decided that we would stay there that night but for our last night we would go back to the first place we stayed at.

Day 5 was our last day of VBS. It went really well & the team was really encouraged by the children's, as well as some of the adults attentiveness & participation. We were able to hand out 2 bags of food to all the people who showed up.

We then went to the hotel that we stayed at in the beginning of the week. Seven of the nine teams members then got into a big tap tap & went to Three Angels in Petion ville. I was really looking forward to seeing Caleb & Shakira's birthmothers because they had been notified that I was coming & I was told that they would be there. I was somewhat dissapointed when I got there & found out that they weren't there because the person in charge at the time didn't realize that it was "that day" that we were coming. He made phone calls to birthmothers who were suppose to be there but only 2 of them could come on short notice. One was the birthmother of our team leader's son & the other one was Shakira's birthmother. It was so good to see her & finally get to talk to her! I had met her once before but we really didn't get to talk at that time. We had a good conversation & I showed her pictures of Shakira & told her about how she was doing.

I also got the wonderful news while I was at Three Angels that Samara's birthmother is alive! I was so happy to hear it that I bursted into tears & cried heavily. I couldn't wait to tell Samara the good news but unfortunately that would have to wait until I got to Miami.

We spent our last evening swimming in the pool, laughing loudly, & sweating profusely :o)

Day 6 was our departure day but our flight was not until 5pm so we got to spend the morning with the adorable BOSKO kids & have lunch at the motel before heading to the airport. I called Randy as soon as we arrived in Miami & told Samara the good news about her birthmother. She was so happy & yelled in my ear :o) We arrived at a hotel around 10pm. We then walked a block to a Cuban restaurant & had some amazing food & drink.

Day 7 we got up, ate breakfast, went to the Miami airport & then flew to Louisville. I got home at 3:30pm & immediately "crashed" into my bed :o)
It was an "amazing" trip. It was a heart changing trip for me...it was both a closure & a new beginning. It was also a trip of many firsts. My first time riding in an ambulance...our mode of transportation part of the time. My first experience with Haitian police. My first time doing a VBS for people who don't speak English. My first time riding in a tap tap. My first time drinking coconut water straight out of coconut. My first time drinking hot chocolate made from goats milk. And last but certainly not least, my first time drinking cocktails that came out of Chlorox bottle :o)

We had an awesome team, an awesome leader, & great comic relief!

Two year old fit!

Yesterday at breakfast, Caleb decided he didn't want to eat his oatmeal. Instead of just not eating it, he "plopped" some into his bib, on the table, on his shirt, pants, & the floor. I then put some into his mouth & he spat it out. Needless to say I wasn't happy with his behavior! He hasn't had a "food fit" in a very long time. I guess he decided he needed to get out all of his 2 year old fits before he turns 3 on Wednesday :o)

Playtime!

The Refining Process...

I once had a conversation with a good friend in NC that went like this.:
Me: "I need to be more refined to be more Christ like & to help me do God's will so I have asked God to refine me."
Friend: (with look of horror on his face) "Oh, Kathy, I don't think that's a good idea!"
Me: "Why?"
Friend: "Because He will...and it will be painful."
Me: "Yeah, I kind of figured that but it is what I need."
Friend: "I think you're making a mistake. Are you ready for what He may have in store for you?"
Me: "I think God wants me to be refined. It says in His Word that He will not give us more than we can bear. I also know that He knows my heart & that if I am asking to be refined so I can be more Christ like & to do His will that I may actually experience less pain in the long run."
Friend: "Well, you maybe right about the less pain but you don't know for sure."

This conversation was with a very Godly man. I did not agree with him but I did not take offense. I knew what I had to do. I asked God to refine me...and he did. Was it painful? Yes, but pain with God is a lot less painful than pain without God. Why? Because the joy, comfort, & peace of the Lord is with me to sustain & guide me even through the darkest days & the most painful experiences.

I knew last fall when Randy & I said "Yes" to something that God was call us to do, that we would be heavily attacked by Satan. We are now in the process of doing it as well as still continuing something else that God has called us to do, & the attack is fierce. Some things that I am currently experiencing now are direct attacks from Satan others are things that God is using to refine me. I haven't asked him lately to refine me some more but I know that I need it. So even though it maybe painful, I will stand strong in Jesus during these trials & refining process. I am even learning how to have deep down joy in the midst of them which is HUGE for me :o)

The Lord confirmed all of this to me twice already today. The first was during a phone call with a friend & the other one was with an E mail devotion from Dr. David Jeremiah. I hope this will be an encouragement to you as well!

Times of Trouble
...that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:7

Recommended Reading
1 Peter 1:2-9

Charles V was a teenager when he became the most powerful man in Europe, and almost immediately he faced a vexing problem. What to do with Martin Luther? He summoned Luther to the city of Worms in 1521 for a hearing on his radical teaching. Luther traveled the 300 miles to Worms expecting to be condemned there and perhaps executed. The hearing was tense and emotional, but Luther's ringing affirmation spoken that day is famous: "Here I stand," he said, "I can do no other. God help me! Amen!" Even though Charles V was a devout Catholic, he allowed Luther to leave unharmed to continue his work.

In times of stress, strain, challenge, and trouble, we have to take our stand in the truths of God's Word. Fiery trials serve only to refine faith. Troubling times reveal in Whom our allegiance truly lies. The Psalmist said: "The Lord also will be a refuge...in times of trouble.... For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion... He is (my) strength in the time of trouble.... (Psalm 9:9; 27:5; 37:39).
In times of trouble, we can take our stand in Him--He never fails us.

"A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing!" Martin Luther

You can rationalize & debate all you want to...

but I know that my Redeemer lives & His name is Jesus!

In a College classroom with a professor teaching a philosophy lesson....... 'Let me explain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.
'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'
'Yes sir,' the student says.
'So you believe in God?'
'Absolutely.. '
'Is God good?'
'Sure! God's good.'
'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'
'Yes'
'Are you good or evil?'
'The Bible says I'm evil.'
The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible! He considers for
a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'
'Yes sir, I would.'
'So you're good...!'
'I wouldn't say that.'
'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.' The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?' The student remains silent. 'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. 'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'
'Er..yes,' the student says.
'Is Satan good?'
The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'
'Then where does Satan come from?
The student falters. 'From God'
'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'
'Yes' '
So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'
Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'
The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'
'So who created them?'
The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his
question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ,son?'
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'
The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'
'No sir.. I've never seen Him.'
'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'
'No, sir, I have not.'
'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ,or God for that matter?'
'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'
'Yet you still believe in him?'
'Yes'
'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?'
'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.'
'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'
The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. '
Professor, is there such thing as heat?'
' Yes.
'And is there such a thing as cold?'
'Yes, son, there's cold too.'
'No sir, there isn't.'
The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat,unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit down to 458 degrees below
zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero(-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'
Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom,sounding like a hammer.
'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'
'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'
'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the
meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'
The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'
'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'
The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'
'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.' 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.' 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'
'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'
'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'
The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester,indeed.
'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'
The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.
'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other
student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student
looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter.
'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.' 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'
Now the room is silent.. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I Guess you'll have to take them on faith.'
'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists
with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?'
Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man.. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'
To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like
darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'
The professor sat down.

PS: The student was Albert Einstein

In the pit of despair...

"O Lord, God of my salvation, I cry out to you by day.
I come to you at night.
Now hear my prayer; listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles, & death draws near.
I am as good as dead, like a strong man with no strength left.
They have left me among the dead, & I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten, cut off from your care.
You have thrown me into the lowest pit, into the darkest depths.
Your anger weighs me down; with wave after wave you have engulfed me.
You have driven my friends away by making me repulsive to them.
I am in a trap with no way to escape.
My eyes are blinded by my tears.
Each day I beg for your help, O Lord; I lift my hands to you for mercy.
Are your wonderful deeds of any use to the dead?
Do the dead rise up & praise you?
Can those in the grave declare your unfailing love?
Can they proclaim your faithfulness in the place of destruction?
Can the darkness speak of your wonderful deeds?
Can anyone in the land of forgetfulness talk about your righteousness?
O Lord, I cry out to you.
I will keep on pleading day by day.
O Lord, why do you reject me?
Why do you turn your face from me?
I have been sick & close to death since my youth.
I stand helpless & desperate before your terrors.
Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me.
Your terrors have paralyzed me.
They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long.
They have engulfed me completely.
You have taken away my companions & loved ones.
Darkness is my closest friend."
Psalm 88 NLT

I have read this psalm many times because I read the book of Psalms a lot but this psalm always surprises me. It's one of the few psalms that offers no hope. It's just gut wrenching pouring out to the Lord with no hope or answers. The following is what my Life Application Study Bible footnotes say about Psalm 88.

88:1 Have you ever felt as though you have hit bottom? The writer is so low that he even despairs of life itself. Although everything is bad & getting worse, he is able to tell it all to God. This is one of the few psalms that gives no answer or expression of hope. Do not think that you must always be cheerful & positive. Grief & depression take time to heal. No matter how low we feel, we can always take our problems to God & express our anguish to him.
88:5 Our feelings may be as obvious & painful as those expressed by the psalm writer, but they are never the complete picture. In fact, our feelings are usually very unstable. When we bring our unedited feelings to God, we allow him to point out where they are incomplete. We are in trouble whenever we give our feelings divine authority or assume that God can't handle what we feel. Praying the psalms teaches us to bring God everything about us & trains us to experience his presence even when our feelings tell us otherwise.
88:13-14 The writer of this psalm was close to death, perhaps debilitated by disease, & forsaken by friends. But he could still pray. Perhaps you are not so afflicted, but you know someone who is. Consider being a prayer companion for that person. This psalm can be a prayer you can lift to God on his or her behalf.

I have really have to take small bites of this & chew on it because 1) sometimes for whatever reasons, I find it easier to wallow in my grief or depression than to cry out to God & let him show me what's really important & 2) it's painful to read this psalm let alone admit that I have had similar thoughts myself.

The last sentence of the footnotes is "strange" to me. I can't see myself lifting this psalm up as a prayer on someone's behalf because to do so is to share in just the pain...and not the hope...the hope we ultimately can only find in Jesus Christ. As we approach Easter, let us look for ways to share the hope of Jesus to a hurting, grieving, & depressed world.

Bringing back the peace...

that left our home exactly ten months ago today. Ten months ago our three Haitian children came home. It is a day that I will never forget...barring that I still have my memory :o) It was day that we waited a very long time for. It wasn't the "sunshine & fairy dust" day that some families have when their children come home but we weren't expecting that any way. We had no idea how our special needs Shakira would react to coming home. She actually bounced off the plane & was extremely happy. Caleb however, was very sick when he got off the plane so what should have been a very "upbeat" moment for me, was put aside as I went into nurse/mom mode to make him feel better.

Most of you who have been reading my blog since the children came home, have a pretty good picture of what life's been like for us since then. I don't tend to "sugar coat" things & pretty much say it like it is. Overall, the first six months were pretty painful for all of us...kind of like growing pains that don't let up for six months. We started to get into a "groove" in the seven & eighth months but seemed to be "grooving" in a three steps forward, two steps backward pattern. The last couple of months have been the best so far but it just "hit" me yesterday...that something is missing...and that missing puzzle piece...is PEACE.

Our home has not really been peaceful since they came home. You can understand that in the beginning when everything is so new & different & each person is learning how to adjust to this new life on their own terms. I woke up this morning thinking, "Okay, today makes ten months, it's time for things to be different...to be peaceful."

Yesterday was not a good day for 5 of the 6 of us & everyone woke up this morning wondering what kind of day it would be. After Randy left for work, I gave a "speech." I just "laid it all out there"...talking to all of us...but to the "Creole Trio" in particular...that they have been home for ten months now & it's time for them to start taking responsiblity for making our house a peaceful place again. Yes, I know that I was talking to a soon to be 3 year old & a special needs child, but you know what, they understand a lot more than we think they do, & it was proven by an immediate change of attitude & even a "sense" of peace flooding our house. Thank you Jesus!

So my encouragement to the "older" adoptive parents that have had their children home for awhile & are still struggling...is hang in there...keep praying...& ask God to show you how to bring peace back into your home. Do not let yourselves get caught up in a "competetion & comparison" of the children that came home after the earthquake & seem to be "sailing along" compared to our children when they came home. You need to look at the "whole picture." This time last year, Jack & Marcia became the Orphanage house managers. That was a huge blessing! For the first time, the children were living in the presence of a Godly, loving, happy couple. They began to see what parents look like on a day to day basis. Unfortunately, my children only experienced two months of that. The ones that came home in Jan. had ten months of that.

They also had six months of home schooling. After seeing the delays of my children & other children that had come home before mine, I was pretty convinced that six months of homeschooling wouldn't even make a "dent" in the significant delays...but boy was I ever wrong! I am amazed...as well as extremely thankful that those children got the incredible schooling they recieved under Abby's instruction! It would have been wonderful for my children & the others to have gotten it as well but they didn't so we work with what we have. God will bless us & our children for our determination & perserverance....we just have to keep on keeping on :o)
Praying that you have a peace filled day!

Haircut & a belt...

Caleb got a new "do" & Phoebe got her yellow belt in TKD.

Getting back to normal...

whatever "normal" is. Ever feel like you've been under water way too long & when you finally come up for a breath of air...after all of the coughing, sputtering, & carrying on...it's like the most wonderful experience you have ever had? Well, that's where I am right now in my life. I still can't put a lot of things into words yet but for the first time in a long time, I have a renewed hope in my heart & a spring in my step...minus the limping from the gimp foot :o)

We have our good days & bad days but overall the kids are doing really well. I think Phoebe is already ready for summer & I have to remind her she still has a ways to go & needs to keep focused on school. Her first grade music program was last Thursday & she did very well. She's been busy the past week delivering Girl Scout Cookies. She is getting ready to test for another belt level in TKD in a couple of weeks. Although she really enjoys Upward cheerleading, I think she is ready to be able to sleep in on Saturdays. She has two more Saturdays of getting up at the same time she does for school during the week.

Samara keeps the rest of us grounded :o) She enjoys preschool but is looking forward to going to kindergarten in the fall. She is also excited about starting TKD in May. We wanted to make sure that Phoebe & her had a couple of belt levels between them to help decrease the "sibling competition" that they have going on between the two of them. Samara for the most part is very thoughtful & you can hear her almost daily praying for Haiti. She is patiently waiting to hear about the status of her birthmother & younger sister.

Overall Shakira is doing well. We have all learned that we can't get caught up in her day to day moods or it will drive us crazy :o) She is attempting to communicate more so we are teaching her more signs because a lot of her words come out sounding like "gee gee" & most people can't understand what she's saying. Right now she is doing very good with her potty training...mostly only needing a pull up at night & staying dry during the day. Praise God! :o)

Caleb...is two...that should explain everything! :o) In between his little "fits" he really is a cuddly, loveable little boy. He is wanting to "help" us around the house. He really enjoys going to Kid's Day Out twice a week. He wears "big boy underwear" during the day & a diaper at night. Randy continues to do well at his job. Most days I wonder how well I'm doing at mine :o) We are looking forward to spring break & one or two summer trips. We thank God for his endless love, patience, grace, & mercy as he continues to grow us into the people he has created us to be.

Everything & Nothing to say...

Some of you may think that my silence on my blog is due to my new found interest in Facebook but that is not true. Since the earthquake in Haiti on Jan. 12th I've had at least a gazillion thoughts running through my head. Sometimes my head would hurt from it. Sometimes I have felt like my heart was going to break into pieces. Sometimes I have felt like I was going throw up.

So I have been dealing with all of that plus the "drama" that has been going on in my family. I don't want to detail it here but it has been difficult. Then just when I thought I was coming up for air...I find out that a lady that I was just getting to know was in a terrible accident & is paralyzed. This shook me to the core for many reasons but I guess the main reason was pure selfishness as I keep thinking to myself, "That could have been me." Her & I have so much in common. We are both stay at home moms with 4 children. We're about the same age & we're both married to wonderful men named Randy.

So while I wrestle with all of my thoughts & feelings, I am not able to find the words to express them right now. I find comfort in God's Word & am letting His Word do the talking.

"O God, you are my God: I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you
in this parched & weary land where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary & gazed upon your power & glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live, lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
I lie awake thinking of you, meditating on you through the night.
Because you are my helper, I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely."
Psalm 63:1-8

Praying for a Country to be Healed...

"You Said" sung by Rita Springer has been one of my favorite songs for a long time. This song has been going round & round in my head as I have been fervently praying for Haiti since the Earthquake. At first I couldn't find a video that sounded good, nor pictures that came close to anything that spoke about Haiti in any shape or form until I came across this one. It was made in Spring 2007...right before my first trip to Haiti in July 2007. We need to keep praying for a "healed Haiti."

What a Mighty God We Serve!!!

A week ago today Haiti was shaken by the 7.0 earthquake. In a moment's time...everything there changed. Thousands dead, thousands injured, thousands homeless, the tradegy went on & on...and unfortunately continues to go on. The adoptive parents in the process of bringing their children home were in a tail spin. Many thoughts raced through their minds. Is my child(ren) alive? After it was found out they were alive then it turned to are they safe? Do they have enough food & water? What happened to the paperwork? How long is it going to take now to bring them home?

Some of these parents have been waiting over 3 years to bring their children home. The thought of countless more delays...especially in this crisis...could get the best of anyone. But God had a plan...a big plan! A plan that none of us even thought of. He took what was meant for bad & turned it into good for the children & adoptive parents of Three Angel's.

Last night the 26 children landed on US soil. Some of them were reunited with their parents shortly thereafter while others will be reunited with them today. Our area eagerly awaits the arrival of 7 of the 26 children. We can not wait!!! We will finally have our "circle of 19 3A's children" complete! Praise God from who all blessings flow!

Haiti...

We want to thank all of you for your prayers & support this week since the catastrophic earthquake happened in Haiti on Tuesday. It means more than you will ever know. We are thankful beyond words that our Haitian children are home with us. However, we have very heavy hearts as we have many friends in Haiti as well as adoptive children that are waiting to come to our area & we are still waiting to hear about some people we know & have not been heard from or seen since the quake.

I'm sure many of you have seen the very graphic images of what's going on in Haiti right now. We can not stress that even those images don't fully capture the severity of tragedy or need. It's beyond most people's comprehension. Please continue to pray for the people of Haiti & those of us who are so intricately intertwined with them. Please pray that our friends & all people nationwide that are in the process of adopting from Haiti will be allowed to bring their children home ASAP.

Some of you have asked how you can help monetarily. We know that the Red Cross is offering all kinds of innovative ways to donate. We think that's great but we also want to give you some other options. These are Haiti organizations that we have personal ties to. There are as follows:
Three Angels Children's Relief www.threeangelshaiti.org This is the orphanage that our 3 Haitian children came from. There is currently 7 children from this orphanage waiting to come to our area.
BOSKO www.boskohaiti.org This is an organization that was started by some very dear friends of mine who live near us & have adopted two children from Three Angels.
Heartline Ministries www.heartlineministries.org This ministry has been serving Haiti for quite some time & currently has a wonderful couple named the Livesays who live in Haiti & direct the ministry efforts.
Thank you!

The Battle Within...

Grab a comfy chair & something to drink &/or eat because I have a feeling this is going to be a long one as I pour out my heart in regards to something I have been really struggling with lately.

For those of you who have or are currently going through the adoption process & have a child(ren) at home you know all too well the struggle that exists between having your heart in two different places, not fully being able to enjoy the moment due to having that nagging ache in your heart.

Although the situation I now face is different, the struggle is quite similar. When God called Randy & I to adopt Shakira, we knew it would not be a piece of cake. We knew that adopting a special needs child would be different & more challenging than adopting a child without special needs. It was not our choice to adopt her. It was God's will & we chose to obey him. I wish I could say that in by obeying God he would have waved his hand & having Shakira in our family is a piece of cake...but that's not the case.

We love her dearly but the day to day challenges that she brings can be very frustrating & tiresome. We also know that we are blessed with how well she has progressed since she has come home & that it could be a lot worse...and that indeed, there are a lot of families out there that are experiencing "a lot worse." But that still doesn't change the day to day life here with her.

We moved her into her own room a week ago because she is very loud in the morning & kept waking up Phoebe & Samara. She can also be very destructive & tears up a lot of toys or whatever maybe lying around. It didn't seem fair to Phoebe & Samara that their things were getting destroyed because of Shakira "choosing"...and yes, she does have a choice...she has the cognitive ability to make good & bad choices. So now Phoebe & Samara can leave things out in their room the way they want them without fear of Shakira tearing them up.

We took her glasses away from her & put them up for now because a couple weeks before Christmas she got mad that she was in time out so she took her glasses off & snapped them in two. We got the frames replaced & not even 12 hours after she got them back, she was trying to tear the arm off of one side. This was after over 6 months of wearing them without incident.

Her potty training is going much better. She remains dry most of the time during the day & only wears a pull up at night. That is a huge victory! We should be really happy about that...which we are...but we're also tired of telling her every step: "pull down your pants, go, stand up & wipe with TP, put the TP in the toliet, flush the toliet, pull up your pants, wash your hands." This may seem very trivial to some, but if you had to do this several times a day, every day, & not just with the bathroom but with everything...getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating, playing, etc., it gets very tiresome.

So last week I was really struggling with all of this. I was tired...no, exhausted. And in addition to that, we found out last week that there is a very high possibilty that Shakira is 2-4 years older than the paper work says she is. Although that doesn't surprise me because I've been "sensing" that for awhile, it hit me like a brick because that means she's even more delayed than we thought she was. This week we will be getting a bone growth x ray on her to help determine how old she really is. Although we will keep her age at what the paperwork says, it's important that we know her "real" age for health & development reasons.

I want to thank everyone who prayed for me last week because it really helped! I could feel them working. I was given a new perspective as my attitude changed & my spirits lifted. I was reading Matthew 16 & came to verse 25, "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it." I know that's a familiar verse but this time it had new meaning to me. I was trying to hang onto the life that I wanted. The one that I had envisioned. Forgetting that it's not about me...but God & His will for my life...not my will.

The footnote in my Life Application Study Bible says this about the verse: "If we protect ourselves from the pain God calls us to suffer, we begin to die spiritually & emotionally. Our lives turn inward, & we lose our intended purpose. When we give our life in service to Christ, however, we discover the real purpose of living."

Yes, it is His will that Shakira is a part of our family...reasons that are still not clear to us...but it doesn't matter what the reasons are. We are called to serve Him no matter what. So as we go through the day to day "what", we are striving to serve Him faithfully & joyfully.

Drummer Boy...

New Year's Eve...

MO Christmas...

Christmas pictures...

New Year Resolution...

Turning Point Devotion by Dr. David Jeremiah

"A New Resolution"

Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the measure of my days, that I may know how frail I am. Psalm 39:4

Recommended Reading: Proverbs 2:1-6

According to the USA.gov ("Government Made Easy") website, the dozen most popular New Year's Resolutions are: lose weight, manage debt, save more, change jobs, get in shape, go back to school, drink less, stop smoking, reduce stress in general, reduce stress at work, travel, and volunteer. Any of those look familiar? Since they're the "most popular," they probably do.

Here's a different approach for 2010: Instead of focusing on what's wrong with yourself or your circumstances, resolve this year to focus on God. Instead of making resolutions, resolve to do one main thing: Make your life the subject of gentle conversation between you and God on a daily basis. That doesn't mean in the sense of, "God, I want . . . I need . . . I wish." Rather, "God, I want to reflect Your glory in my life more in 2010 than in 2009. I want to live today in light of the end of my life. Speak to me and empower me to be conformed, gently but surely, more into the image of Christ this year."

That's a prayer God will answer by replacing the weakness of our resolve with the strength of His; a resolution that will not fail.

"If our lives and ministry are to count for anything today we must solemnly resolve to make time for God." Vance Havner

Happy New Year! Praying for God's love & peace to reveal itself to you in a new & refreshing way this year.